Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Dear Mom and Dad: Admit it, you are greedy, un-American socialist traitors...

F'd Up? I'd say so...
Well, at least Rick Perry seems to think so. According to ThinkProgress:

During a campaign stop in Des Moines, Iowa today, Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) reaffirmed all the views expressed in his book Fed Up!, including that Social Security is unconstitutional, despite previous attempts by his campaign staff to walk back the candidate’s words. 
In Perry’s book, released just nine months ago, he writes on page 48 that Social Security is “by far the best example” of a program “violently tossing aside any respect for our founding principles.” On page 50, he goes on to say that we have Social Security “at the expense of respect for the Constitution and limited government.”
So, it's not really a program designed to be paid for by taxes that people have paid into it, so that they have a safety net as they grow older. No, no, no. It's clearly a conspiracy propagated by, well, all of the old people who collect social security checks! That's right, senior citizens, you're the problem, not the solution. How do I know? Well, Rick Perry wrote a book that explains how collecting social security is the equivalent of "violently tossing aside any respect for our founding principles"! So, if you're knowingly involved in an unconstitutional scheme to take hard earned tax dollars and buy jello or play bingo or what have you, then you must be, yourselves, engaging in anti-constitutional activity in the evil plot known as social security. (Get it? "Social" as in "Socialism" and "security" as in, um, "Social Security" I guess. Anyhoo, I don't have time to explain it to you old folks, you wouldn't understand it anyway...) 
So where was I? Oh yeah:
Unconstitutional Socialist Propaganda!
Don't think Rick Perry, potential presidentialist, doesn't know what you and your kind are up to, he does--and it involves a lot more than jockeying for a seat at the earlybird 5:00 special before that annoying Eileen and Roy show up, yessiree bob. It involves undermining the very foundations on which this country was built--foundations that you and your geriatric ilk are trying to single handedly undo (albeit with stiff joints and distracted occasional lapses into overly detailed minutae about your neighbor's problems with gout). 
Now We Know: FDR was a Traitor! That's right--forget overseeing the Work Projects Administration (socialism!) and leading the United States in victory through World War II (he got lucky with the Russian winter!), because Franklin D. Roosevelt, who signed the Social Security Act into law in 1935, was clearly a socialist and a traitor to his country, because the law itself is unconstitutional. And therefore, as a co-conspirator in undermining the very foundations of the United States itself, you two, Mom and Dad, are traitors too!! 
So, put down that cup of microwave noodles bought and paid for by the nanny state, turn off that Wilfred Brimely commercial, boost the volume on those hearing aids and listen up! There's a new sheriff in town, and he's got your (social security) number!!

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