Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Company She Keeps Part 2: Bachmann's Gay Hater Pal Delivers a Predictably Strange "Prayer"

Please make the crazy man go away.
Okay, so, let's say that you're the close, spiritual associate to a major candidate for president and political figure. You're known as someone who hates gay people because homosexuality is illegal in America (only it's not). Anyway, you have your own "ministry" where you "spread the word" about, well, whatever bowl of apocryphal bullshit you had for breakfast.
Still, you have to take care to uphold a certain image and presence. It's important to present a sense of gravity, of seriousness as a man of God and close associate to Michelle Bachmann.
Bradlee Dean Blog Post: June 4, 2011

Even though you're well known for advocating violence against gay people, when you're called upon to give the opening prayer to a state legislative body, like Bradlee Dean was in May 2011 in his home state of Minnesoooodah, you follow a process:

1. You get out of bed.
2. You put your 3 foot long hair in a pony tail.
3. You don your baddest track suit.
4. You head over to the statehouse.
5. You make it to the dais, even though you appear to be slightly hungover.
6. You deliver your hastily thrown together prayer (well, more like a pseudo patriotic, themeless  rant/monologue).
7. You mangle the order of historical events and conflate fighting in Iwo Jima (World War II) with the Korean war, and say "Father God" a lot.
8. Finally, in closing your "non-denominational" back of the napkin "prayer," you invoke Jesus as everyone's savior (because we all know that he is, right?) while insulting any potential Jews or Muslims who might be listening in, or anyone who is thoughtful and literate.
9. Oh, and you also gratuitiously denigrate the President for being a non-believer.
10. Now you're done, turn around, and listen to the silence in the stunned chamber, and go back to your life of thinking that quoting famous dead people ad nauseum makes you smarter and somehow lends weight to your anti-decency agenda of attacking gays and suggesting that African countries are right to imprison them for life.

This is my best guess, anyway, of  how Dean prepares and delivers a speech. But don't take my word for it, watch for yourself:


I think that about covers it. Here's a transcript of Michelle Bachmann's apparent spiritual guide giving the opening prayer in the state house, if you really need to read it:

When I arrived at the capitol today I noticed all the writings upon the inside of the walls. In the Supreme Court chambers you have Moses awaiting the Ten Commandments - God's Divine Law. You have George Washington quotes, Thomas Jefferson quotes, speaking of unalienable rights given unto us by our Creator. And when I looked at that, I thought, What an awesome building, and those in this chamber are very privileged to be here, and I am honored to be here as well. And if I can give a small preface to my prayer so my prayer has meaning: I remember when I was a young man, I had a friend who founded a company in Fridley, Minnesota. This man built this company from the ground up as he blueprinted everything in great detail. He put his sweat, tears, everything into it to establish the company. Nobody understood what sacrifice he put into his company except them that helped him along. The company grew in such a proportion that he could now sell the company and he did. On the sale of his company the buyers agreed to keep him on to run the company for them, and in the process the company sold. And when it was sold, the buyers went against the contract and fired the founder. How foolish could they be? They thought once they had control of the company they could run it their own way and still prosper, and they failed miserably.
It sounds much like America today. America has the longest standing Constitution in the history of the world. And might I remind all of us here we have one Constitution, so let us come together and unite ourselves under its directives. Because we all know the problems didn't come into our country in 1776, they came when we wandered from the founder of the company and tried running it our own way. So let us pray.  
Starting at 1:50: Father God, I just thank you Father for what you have bestowed upon us. And through the sacrifice...of our brothers and our sisters, Father God, to ratify the constitution of the United States, Father God; the fight, the bloodshed, and the sacrifice. From World War I to World War II...to Korea, Father. To Korea and Iwo Jima...and Viet Nam. And Father God, Iraq. And Afghanistan.... 
and I end with this. I know this is a non-denominational prayer in this chamber, it's not about the baptists, it's not about the Catholics alone, or the Lutherans or the Wesleyans (?), or the Presbyterians or evangelicals or any other denomination, but rather the head of the denomination and his name is Jesus. As every president up until 2008 has acknowledged. And we pray it, in Jesus' name.

Thank you CityPaper for bring this to our attention.

No comments:

Post a Comment